down and out

Recently I posted about my friends all moving away (unfinished post) this is kinda another "friend" post.

Lately I have no friends close to me... not a single one. I have reached out to a few trying to talk to them and even meet up for a visit... but haven't been able to yet. None of the ladies at my church want to be my friend, someone said I'm not old enough to be friends with them. I hear about all these play dates and other things the toddlers are doing and it hurts to think I don't have friends like that anymore! Book club sucks now, card club was a disaster last month, park day doesn't even exist and to top it all off I don't like my calling (not the calling but the people controlling it). I have a friend who comes over and helps me out once every 2 weeks and she's AMAZING but she doesn't have any children for mine to play with, so my 3 year old is always bugging us when we want to have adult time (time I need). I don't have "that friend" who will take on my kids so I can go to the dentist, or "that friend" I can barrow butter from on Sunday evenings, I don't have "that friend" I can do crafts with weekly while our children play together, I don't have a friend to spend time with at the park anymore, or even a friend I can help. I'm a looser, and a loner... I'm pathetic and sad all the time. If only 1 just 1 person would want to be friends with me maybe I wouldn't be so depressed, or such a cry baby. 

Iv'e been seeing a councilor for a few reasons and every time she asks why don't you have a friend to talk to or can't you get help with your 3 year old and get her a play date I burst into tears cause I don't and probably wont for a very long time. I hear about other people visiting my old friends and am jealous and am really depressed that I'm not friends with them anymore (I'm really not, they've moved on and made other friends and don't need (want) my friendship). Even the ladies I thought were my friends don't invite us to birthday parties, play dates  or really anything! I can't even talk with my husband because he ignores me, or is to involved in the TV. I don't sleep well, I'm stressed, I have no "adult" time. I hope I can get out of this slump, and make friends soon!