2014

What's new?

 Well lot's has happened in 2014 and this post will sum it up...

In January we decided to try again for a baby. After my miscarriage I was a little skeptical that it would happen so quickly but we got pregnant the end of that month so baby #5 is due in the fall.

In March our renter in Laveen decided to move out 3 months early, so Ty and I decided that I would move back and he'd stay with a couple in Ehrenberg for 3 months (since he was told he'd only be at the location for work there for 1 year). Plus a really sweet couple let him live in their spare room for free (bonus).

In May we found out we're being blessed with a boy (after 4 girls). I also started schooling my girls at home for the 2014 school year so their a little ahead so we can take extra breaks during the holidays.

In June Tyler lost his job the same day I got a job (thank goodness). He's back home but it was the longest 3 weeks of your marriage with no pay check... we made it trough and he's back with Arby's making he same about as when he quit 2 years ago.

In August I had to stop working early due to my pregnancy issues but good news is my boss is letting me come back after the baby no problem. 

September is my baby shower (If you want to come but didn't get a facebook invite please let me know). It's also Tyler's 30th birthday and I'm trying to plan a fun trip for him (even though I'll be 9 months pregnant). 

October I will more than likely be having this baby.

That is all for now :)

A bundle of joy and lots of blue, a little boy is joining the Cook crew

After 4 beautiful girl's we're being blessed with a boy! 

Tyler Jackson coming fall 2014

who is that girl you see?

I know most will not read this whole thing but this is my personal page and my thoughts... Please no comments, thank you.

Forgive the way this is worded but I’m not an educated girl.

I actually don't know who I am... I mean I know people don't like me and nobody will tell me what’s wrong with me. I know people tolerate me but I don’t know why I’m not liked.

I have over 700 friends on facebook, these are people I know... either from school, church, and of course family but I have met every single one. Who are these people I call friends? Are they really my friends or do they just want to have a lot of "friends" on their pages? I guess who really knows.

Who am I?

I'm that girl, you know the one you see who sits alone in church, who goes to a birthday party with her 2 year old and sits in the corner while 10 other mom's talk, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company. I'm that girl who gets asked "how are you"? Then realizes they don't really care how you are. They may be asking but it's a fake question I get caught in week after week. I'm the girl who always says the wrong thing; the girl who wants to be friends with everyone but knows they don’t want you involved in their circle of friends. I’m the girl who gets upset when families that moved in after you get talks... I must be that girl who isn't good enough to give a talk, I’m the girl who gets jealous when she see’s someone new to a ward get a calling but her husband has been waiting months to get one. I’m the girl who doesn't ever feel good enough to be LDS.  I’m the girl who hasn't been a member her whole life, who has the tattoos, scars, and tears from her past, the girl who’s been divorced and has kids with different dads, the girl who will never fit in, who will never be good enough, the girl who will always be judged. Oh yes I know people talk about all these things mentioned. I’m the girl, who’s in the middle of a conversation with you then somehow when someone else walks up becomes the third wheel, and as I slowly walk away with tear filled eyes and another reason to doubt herself… I remember this is why I sit alone at church. I’m the girl who tries so hard to be friends with others but am quickly reminded that I will never fit in.

I’m the girl who has a label on her back from her family because she has a father who beat her mother and tried to kill her before she was born, a mother who looks at her and see’s the man who abused her in her daughters eyes, siblings that have a bond you’ll never get, a dad that gave up everything for you at seventeen only to give you nothing after his passing because you’re not truly his daughter. Grandparents who turned the other way because you’re not biologically theirs.

I’m the girl who has been cheated on by every man who claimed he loved her, who has been abused in every way imaginable, a girl who may not be highly educated but managed to get some kind of diploma within her 30 years, who doesn't want to show her kids her pain, who knows what poverty really is, and a girl you’re never going to really know because you don’t want to know her. Yes I’m that girl! 

I'm the girl that would drop everything in a heartbeat to help someone else, the girl who tries to make others happy, who want's to help anyone and everyone, the girl who doesn't mind watching your kids so you can have a morning to yourself or have them stay the night while you have a baby, I'm the girl who tries to solve problems, who listens when you've lost a loved one, who allows herself to think shes your friend but realizes... she is just someone You know.

Photography

Who said owning a business was easy must not make any money!

I have started a photography business...

I'm super scared going into this but I hope I can be as good as a few of my talented friends.

follow me here

http://photographybyjessicacook.blogspot.com/

I have only had 2 photo shoots but have 2 more next week.

New website 

WWW.JESSICACOOKPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

Christmas 2013 part 2

My last post was just our Christmas pictures but this is our Christmas story...

Some how (good blessings) Ty ended up getting 5 day off during the week of Christmas. Monday-Friday, so Sunday after work we drove to Casa Grande (my bio dad's side) which was 3 1/2 hours drive and enjoyed a FEAST of food, I was able to see my aunt whom has lived in Germany for 8 years or so, and another aunt I have only seen once in 10 years.

That night we drove another hour and a half to Tyler's dad house where there were no heater! OMGosh we were shivering... Ty ended up getting a gas propane heater for the next night but it was still cold. 

Christmas eve we went to his sister for dinner and the siblings did a gift exchange (why the spouses aren't included is dumb to me). Tyler didn't receive a gift because his brother who was supposed to buy for him had been in and out of drug rehab the last 3 months (we don't care about the gift and we understood he couldn't buy anything). His uncle however did give us $60.00 (same as all the siblings). So then we went to the temple for lights. they have a beautiful new statue that was breath taking. Afterward we ended up going to his dads to get the kids in bed and get "ready" for Santa. 

While we were putting together Emma's little car and stuffing stockings his brother asks us what we do with the money we get from their uncle and birthday's... stuff like that. I told him we put it away and let them spend it when we go on trips to theme parks or just save it for them (remember this).

Christmas day we woke up around 8 (that's our rule for the kids on Christmas and weekends). The kids opened gifts and played for a little bit while I packed up everything and Ty loaded the car. We then headed to my parents house in Phoenix since I was in charge of dinner but not before grabbing some Jack in the Box for lunch where when I went to get my $20 I had in my wallet from returning a gift was gone... wait! So was the $60 from his uncle! Are you kidding me??? 

I just leave it at that!

oh wait... Everything at my moms was great! Amazing little get together, dinner, and good night sleep!

Christmas 2013

1st things 1st... Happy Birthday Jesus!

This year we're living in California during the holidays and have no family near. Sooooooooo I packed up the kids and I got to Phoenix where we stayed with Ty's dad (that's another story). We are so blessed to be able to spend the holidays with loved ones.

30... 30... 30...

I can't believe I'm 30!  For my 30th I had an amazing party thrown for me... 80's style!

I hope my friends (whom have been 30) stop calling me a baby lol

love you ladies!

I want it back

I wake up empty today as I have lost a child. A child in which I wanted and loved with all my heart.

"I will never get to meet you, or see u on a scan,
I will never stroke your little cheek or kiss your little feet"

I miss being pregnant, I want to feel a child moving in my belly, I know I will see my baby one day but one day feels like too long. 

I love that my family is eternal and I love that my baby is being taken care of by loved ones

I still wish this didn't have to happen, I wish I didn't feel pain of heartache

(9 weeks)

Kloee's 7th birthday

Kloee's 7th birthday was a hit but she's more excited to be a year closer to owning her own scriptures.

3 years on the 4th

3 years and counting Ty and I have been together as of July 4th! 

We went to west gate and watched the fire works over the Cardinal's stadium.

It was perfect, because we were able to park semi close, didn't have to hear the loud bangs, and we drove out when it was over quickly and without traffic.

 GREAT FAMILY FUN!!!

I love our family

all the kids

far away but quiet and cry free... just the way I like it